Has PO strained your marriage/relationship?

Ang · Tar Sands Joined: Oct 31, 2007 Posts: 83

Mods: Forgive a newbie if this belongs somewhere else.

My partner and I agree about Peak Oil and all the different challenges facing our combined family, but still run into areas of debate. I was curious how other Peak Oil aware folks are handling it, especially marriages/relationships where one partner is aware and the other refuses to acknowledge it. My partner and I will never have the "big-screen T.V. vs. more preps" argument and I really can't imagine how marriages are surviving those discussions.
_________________
...the rest of you just beat your useless gums at the moon like jimson weed goats. - efarmer

korosten · Tar Sands Joined: Jun 09, 2007 Posts: 49

My husband was aware of PO first, whereas I was not interested in the topic at all (I was into physics then Smile

. So this lead to some heated discussion because he felt PO was so much more important than anything else (*especially* physics Smile

. Also, my (too optimistic) attitude was along the lines of "let's just get some solar panels" (before I read about the subject).

Luckily I gave in when I noticed that he really thinks that this is serious, and started reading books on the topic, and it didn't take long - it very quickly was clear to me that he was right, and that PO (and global warming) was going to change our lives forever.

By now we both read many books on the topic and related issues and I think we agree 99%. The only disagreement we have is on how it is actually going to play out in detail and when. (I think it will be a collapse that plays out over many years, like in slow motion, he thinks it could be a lot quicker)

I am *so* glad that we agree on PO and its implications, especially since we are making drastic changes in our lives (relocation, new job etc!) which would not have been possible if just one of us felt that way.

I could not imagine how this would work if one sees PO as a threat, and the other one doesn't!

What did you agree/disagree on, and what are your plans?

one_more_day · Tar Sands Joined: Aug 27, 2006 Posts: 75

The husband and I both accept PO. He tends to think of it as a slow decline in terms practical effects, whereas I am more of a hard crash doomer myself. We don't really have any conflict though because we are taking the middle road and making preparations for both scenarios (sustainable garden and a bug-out-bag, for example).

roccman

Ang · Tar Sands Joined: Oct 31, 2007 Posts: 83

I'm glad for both of you that your husbands share your PO awareness with you.
We bought a property in a very small (pop. 800) town that's about as inaccessible as it can be without it being a cave on the side of a mountain!! We'll be planting fruit trees in a couple of weeks and stocking the place with the preps we've accumulated. I love the fact that we are moving into the future together and will be able to lean on each other to face either the fast crash or the slow decline.
I think the most difficult thing for me personally is handling my family and friends that simply don't want to hear what we're trying to tell them and refuse to prepare in any way. They all know where we will be and that we have bought years of food, etc. Assuming these people show up on our doorstep, what do we say to them? What can I say to them now to dissuade them from showing up? Why should we open our home and feed these folks that will probably get caught unprepared when we have 4 kids to feed and take care of that we HAVE prepared for?

I'd love to hear from anybody that has dealt with this already.

p.s. back to the here and now, my son has his head stuck in the back of chair, gotta go!
_________________
...the rest of you just beat your useless gums at the moon like jimson weed goats. - efarmer

Ludi

My husband is concerned about peakoil.com forums being a source of stress for me. That's about the extent of our disagreement.

Ang, I am also concerned about my extended family needing help in the future. I have mostly avoided talking to them about it as it would be to no purpose. I just try to plant extra to feed them if they do show up.
_________________
No original ideas are contained in this post.

pstarr

lateStarter

The wife is slowly coming around. Not totally onboard, but realizes the world is a f*cked up place and she has had enough. So, I pitched the whole thing as a 'stress-releaser'. Country property in a small village bordering a national forest. She loves it there and can't wait to move in (this April).

On the down side, to make this possible I have had to keep one foot still in the system travelling around as a technical-instructor in the world of VoIP. At least I'm not working a 9-5 job... Gives me time to keep the preps moving forward.

Thankfully, she is not a shop-aholic, and even 10 years living in the US didn't totally warp her values.
_________________
Remember, with globalisation "everyone is a winner" in the "race to the bottom". - rogerhb

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. A.C. Clarke

Ang · Tar Sands Joined: Oct 31, 2007 Posts: 83

Ludi-you are noble to plant with them in mind. I agree with your husband that too much time on these sites can skew your outlook and seriously depress you. I just read a post somewhere here that said "I'm going to keep ordering latte's while I still can". Well, I'm going to keep being happy while I still can, regardless of what I read here or elsewhere. I really hope you are happy most of the time!!

About the food, I think if it were just me, I would throw the doors open and say "Let's all work together". I have children to think about though and for every meal I hand out it could mean one less for them. That isn't acceptable to me. Maybe when we see the trees bearing fruit and the vegetables coming in we'll relax a bit. Or not!

Pstarr-You are amazingly considerate to not want to burst anybody's bubble. Have fun on the train!!!! That used to be one of my dreams, a train cross country here and a train ride through the Copper Canyon in Mexico. Now I just want to grow stuff.

I hardly recognize myself!!
_________________
...the rest of you just beat your useless gums at the moon like jimson weed goats. - efarmer

killJOY · Fission Joined: Feb 21, 2005 Posts: 2471 Location: ^NNE^

My partner is a fag who tries to out-doom me. Fat chance!

We're two peas in a pod. We'll be buried in the same vault.
_________________
"By the time individuals discover that remaining resources will not be adequate for the next generation, the next generation has already been born. " David Price

Ang · Tar Sands Joined: Oct 31, 2007 Posts: 83

I'd love to be a fly on the wall listening to those conversations!!! Congratulations on finding your media naranja, your soulmate!
_________________
...the rest of you just beat your useless gums at the moon like jimson weed goats. - efarmer

Ludi

Ang, I'm quite anxious about providing even for myself and my husband. If I had children I would really be tearing my hair. You shouldn't feel bad about thinking of your children first, as they are your primary responsibility.

I just don't know what to think of relatives who won't be able to contribute much to their own support, as my father is aging (77), my stepmother is in poor health, my step-aunt is brain damaged, and my sister is disabled (severe chronic mental illness). My bother in law at least is healthy! Shocked

_________________
No original ideas are contained in this post.

Ayoob · Expert Joined: Jul 15, 2004 Posts: 1048

It has. I've come to the conclusion that worrying about peak oil and related issues has taken a toll on my mental well-being. I've become an outrageously rabid racist and have a lot of hate in my heart for immigrants. I want them all out.

My girlfriend is familiar with the issues and is ready to move to the boonies with me. She likes the idea of living on a self-sufficient homestead, and that's what I want too. She sees me as being a little too much of a doomer, so I hide that side of myself from her. Well, I hide it from everybody. It makes me sneaky, and people grow suspicious. Bottom line is I'm not a happy guy.

My friends are not friendly to my views, so I keep them buried. The people that think like me are beyond weird, and I stay away from them. I don't blame my friends for thinking I have bizarre views of the word.

Being into peak oil is a pessimistic view, and most of my friends hold to an optimistic point of view. It's a conflict.

At this point I don't talk to people about peak oil anymore, or race issues, or anything to do with guns. I don't know what to say anymore.

I've been a redneck since I was seven, but somehow I was transplanted to Chicago at birth. I'll be home soon, and I think my rural and self-sufficient brothers will shake hands with me. My girl will never be completely on board with me but I will have sons.

Does it sound like it would be stressful to be my girlfriend? I think it is. God bless Babycakes for putting up with me all these years, and hopefully she gets what she wants out of this relationship. I think she's happy, but who really knows.

Pessimism sucks, and I wish I wasn't such a doomer. I think the pessimism is much more of a strain on my relationships than the peak oil stuff is.

Ludi

What if you don't have sons?

Loki · Expert Joined: Apr 08, 2006 Posts: 1079 Location: Cascadia

Sorry to be rude (OK, not really), but what's the deal with the use of the term "partner"? Are you detectives working on a case? Is this like "battle buddy" in the Army---you watch my back, I'll watch yours? I can see fags like killJOY using it, but why do heteros insist on using this silly term?

As for me, I'm blissfully single and will probably stay that way. Even the females at my work, all of them "progressives" and environmentalists (kind of), don't seem to have a clue about Peak Oil. Actually, now that I think about it, they just plain don't have a clue---the kind of stuff my female co-workers are interested in just strikes me as inane nonsense. I'm sure there are exceptions out there, but I have yet to meet a woman in meat space who is really clued in to the crap that is going to be hitting the fan. I ascribe it to a lack of intellectual curiosity.