Anyone live with their parents?

Narz · Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 8:56 pm Post subject: Anyone live with their parents?

I'm living in an apartment complex in the suburbs right now. It's clear I'll never be able to afford land. My parents on the other hand are fairly well off. They have an apartment in NYC and a house in rural New England with some land suitable for a permaculture makeover (with skilled people to help out).

However, they see me as a sort of prodigal son. I've traveled around the country doing odd-jobs, trying to find my niche.

I would love to help transform my folks' land into a permaculture paradise but they're not really into that. Well, my dad's not. We don't get along. He's uncomfortable around me & vice versa. We can hang, play cards n' sh!t but start getting real edgy around each other after a few days. He's resented me from my first breathe out of the womb and I'm not sure why.

I suppose my mission now should be to find other people with similar visions but without the raw materials (money & land) to make this happen.

Of course there's no guaranteeing my folks will let me touch their land even if it will benefit them to have it actually become useful. They think I'm just trying to be a bum and I should get a job at Costco or some such.

I got to get out of suburbia. I'd join an already existing community permaculture farm type place but such places seem to be hard to find & reluctant (understandably so) to take on newcomers, especially ones without any special skills.

Anyone (particularly young people who know they will never be able to "get a piece of the pie" so to speak) successfully move in with their folks & make it work?

The time to act is now. But unfortunately I am somewhat stuck.
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Cashmere · Light Sweet Crude Joined: Mar 27, 2008 Posts: 1971

EDITED by CM.
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Massive Human Dieoff must occur as a result of Peak Oil. Many more than half will die. It will occur everywhere, including where you live. If you fail to recognize this, then your odds of living move toward the "going to die" group.

Narz

I can appreciate your theory.

That said, it doesn't have to do with what I've done in my adult life. I'm not trying to play a violin here so I won't get into it. Probably I shouldn't have even brought that sh!t up (I should have learned my lesson by now about mentioning even the smallest personal detail less someone read five paragraphs into it).

I've worked wherever I've been. I'm not spoiled & I haven't gotten "all the breaks" or any such. I spent most of my youth at various reform schools where I did manual labor 2-4 hours a day. I lived on my own for three years & barely talked to my folks.

Anyway, I'm not really so interested in talking about my personal history (and hearing other people's theories) as I am about hearing other people's stories.
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Cashmere · Light Sweet Crude Joined: Mar 27, 2008 Posts: 1971

Alright, I'll delete my post. My goal wasn't to air any hurtful theory about you to the board.

My goal was to get you thinking from a different perspective.

Forget about me reading into it.

You read into it. But do it from a different perspective.

Try this - make a list of everything you can think of that you have done to alienate your father. Be harsh with yourself. Include everything.

I'm sad to say my list is very long, but I made the list.

Then think about it for a week.

Then go to your father and tell him you'd like to have a better relationship with him. Tell him nonconfrontationally to review your list. Ask him to constructively add to it.

When you get it back from him, do not get defensive about it. Simply take it in. Consider it. Consider it from his perspective. Never argue them. Don't even discuss them with him. Just try to learn.

If you do that, your relationship with your father will improve.
_________________
Massive Human Dieoff must occur as a result of Peak Oil. Many more than half will die. It will occur everywhere, including where you live. If you fail to recognize this, then your odds of living move toward the "going to die" group.

Narz

Man, I don't know why I don't just STFU about my personal life.

Anyway, I think this whole experience could really bond me with my folks. I don't want anything for free (except a place to live really). I want to work to earn my keep. I don't think anyone really is ever happy with an easy life. No man anyway. Besides, my folks are old. I will have to take care of them, not vice versa. It's weird cause many older parents always wish their kids would visit &/or take an interest in them but mine have too much pride. Honestly they're the type that never should have had kids (not that I'm complaining, I'm glad I was born & all).

There I go again. More personal sh!t. But maybe the ends will justify the means (with this thread). Otherwise I'll probably delete my posts (please quote me minimally) & hope this thread is useful to others.
_________________
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Narz

Cashmere, that is a good idea. I'm not sure my father will play along but its worth a shot.
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“Seek simplicity but distrust it”

kam3Oen · Heavy Crude Joined: Sep 09, 2007 Posts: 108

My situation is sort of similar. I found out about peak oil a few years ago after dicking around since high school (I'm one of 4 siblings, the only one not to go to college). My suggestion, live at home with your parents, work really hard, and buy everything you can to prepare. I've amassed quite a bit in the last few years, and I'm coming close to purchasing rural land. BTW, I also live in the NY area, in Suffolk County, Long Island. This place is going to be a bloodbath when TSHTF (NYC will be worse though).

Narz

Where are you thinking of purchasing rural land? Just curious, you can PM me if you don't feel like revealing it "out in the open".
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kam3Oen · Heavy Crude Joined: Sep 09, 2007 Posts: 108

Well, to be honest, it's actually up to my dad, since he's putting up 3/4 of the money (that was the deal, he puts up 3 dollars for every dollar I put up). He wants to buy in South Carolina or Florida, I want to buy in West Virginia or Kentucky. My best friend's 85 year old spinster great aunt (he will be moving with me when TSHTF) also owns land in rural Maine which we visited a few weeks ago, and it's quite doable if need be. It's only 10 acres, but it has a large wooded area, and is right down the street from a lake.

Narz

That's pretty sweet (sweet like awesome, not sweet like awww) you got your best friend down for the apocalypse with you. Very Happy

Maine sounds like a good spot. If you can handle the winters. 10 acrs & a lake doesn't sound bad at all.
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mos6507

Narz, my situation is quite similar. I haven't yet hit my parents over the head with the peak oil manifesto, but I will when I move back in and lay out my plans. I want to either take ownership of the property and renovate it in exchange for providing an extended family home for them to be with their granddaughter.

But they also have a place in Florida and they are counting on the profits from selling the house in the northeast to bail them out of debt problems. Kind of hard to do with the real estate market tanking, but they will make a handsome profit on it regardless. Still, from a geographical perspective, the house is impossible to beat, being adjacent to commuter rail and not far from the MBTA. If I had to buy a house on my own it would have to be much farther out in the boonies and I'd still be sitting on a scary mortgage.

Being a single parent is hard enough, but having to not only buy a home but look at spending the extra money to make it peak-oil-proof is daunting to say the least. I really want to recruit someone else in my family to team up on this.
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PonyBoy78

I don't live with my folks, but they're a significant factor in my plans.

I'm doing much of the preparing, but they're supporting my efforts. The doomstead will be prepared by me and my partner, the house designed by Dad, the funding will be split about 50-50, etc. Once we determine that TS is about to HTF, they'll come to live with us on the property.

I don't think he's totally thought through Peak Oil and its implications for our current civilization, but he's told me all my life that I can't always depend on "the system" - and that it won't always be there. Now that I'm actually thinking about it.. he's always sounded vaguely doomeresque. Hmm.

Mom's going to go wherever Dad and I are. She's going to miss our current civilization, no doubt, but I'll be providing some comfort measures for her to make the adjustment period a bit less harrowing.

midnight-gamer

My wife and I used to live with my folks for years. There is no shame in it, as it allowed us to save a lot of money that we would not have otherwise. If you can stomach living with them, there are definite advantages.

TheDude

Narz - you might enjoy or take something from Sharon Astyk's piece on The Brother in Law on Your Couch Vision of the Apocalypse.

My brother and I take care of our Mom, who's severely disabled and incapable of doing much of anything on her own, including eating. My 80 year old father still gets around but is pretty much clueless about where the world's going. We're fortunate that cousins of ours bought the land we used to farm, and this brings in a sizable payment every year, which pretty much pays for everything. I

I argue a lot with my Dad, who gets really worked up about irrelevant things like whether the water in the neighbor's swimming pool is spilling into our back yard. You might pick up a tip or two from elder care websites or Eldercare for Dummies, which have various approaches to dealing with irrational old fogeys.
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