Lost a relationship or marriage over peak oil?

ShinyOldLady

I think one of the reasons I stopped looking was being afraid to mention it. I don't like being labeled a nut, would rather be looked upon as cautious. The very rare person I know who is aware of PO seems to be on the really extreme side of the pendulum and so scares me off also. I guess it's hard to find "balanced" people under any circumstances.

RedStateGreen

WildRose · Intermediate Crude Joined: Jun 21, 2006 Posts: 974

I'm very sorry for all of you who have had relationships end or have had significant difficulties with your partners. I'm long-time married, still going strong, but we've had hills and valleys, too. I think the thing with marriage is that one can never be certain that it's forever, despite the best of intentions, or longevity of the relationship.

s0cks

Sorry to hear about your troubles Tanada. I'm curious to how you view your wife now? Anger? Hate? Or perhaps you don't blame her? I would be interested to know how PO entered and affected the relationship, if at all? (apart from the long nights on PO.com Smile

)

I'm not in any relationship at the moment. Which sucks. But, on the otherhand I'm not sure I could be with a girl who is consumer mad. I used to buy girlfriends anything that I could afford. And I enjoyed that. But now, nuh uh. I just couldnt do it.

Like others have said, it is hard to find someone who hasn't been "brain washed". I'm not saying I want a girl PO aware, but at least one with an open mind who has atleast some views that go against mother culture.

CarlinsDarlin · Moderator Joined: Jul 02, 2004 Posts: 1303

Tanada,

It's hard to be blindsided. Carlin and I have had our ups and downs. Right now is one of those downs. Some of it is related to PO - since my brother has come on board, we talk a LOT about this stuff, and Carlin is sick and tired of hearing about it. He doesn't like to discuss negatives - EVER - even though there are plenty of examples in his own life where life-changing events happended to people who were in no way prepared. I've tried telling him that stocking my pantry (which is one of the biggest issues to date) is not about a nuclear bomb falling on our house. It's about what happens if one of us becomes disabled, or he loses his job, or any other host of scenarios that could put us in financial hardship. I've tried to explain that with the price of groceries going up, it only makes common sense to buy now and stock up before the price goes up further.

He also hates being tied to the farm because of the animals. He's more a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of guy and likes to get up and go. I've told him a thousand times - GO - I don't care to go and do all the time. I'm happiest at home. If he wants to go, then he should, can, and has. But he still fumes about it. I honestly don't know what he wants.

We had a big BIG blow-up this weekend. My issue with him isn't that he doesn't understand - for the most part he has backed off and let me do my thing with little interference. But occasionally (too often these days) his nuclear explosions in the living room really make me doubt whether our marriage will last.

And we are in the MIDDLE of adopting two children. The adoptions won't be finalized for another month or two, though the children have been living with us almost a year. Add that to the mix and you can see it's not a pretty picture.

I don't know what words I can tell you that will ease your pain. I'd love to hear some myself. But I can tell you that I understand your pain, anger and frustration. I'm feeling them all myself right about now.

Oh, and BTW - we're approaching our 7th anniversary, too.

You're definitely in my prayers.
Kathy

SpringCreekFarm · Intermediate Crude Joined: Mar 03, 2006 Posts: 812

Wow Kathy! That is my marriage exactly. We have been having some real tough discussions lately with regard to the turning tide of current events. She would never take me seriously when I told her we need to buckle down and that life will never be the way we grew up. We are in our early 40's. Now the discussion is about quality of life which she says will not be worth living. This after we have just adopted a beautiful baby boy!

This past weekend we had lots of fun on our little anniversary getaway. She made me promise not to talk about any negative crap so I didn't and we had fun. She hates to discuss anything negative as well. It really frustrates me.

I have vowed I'd never leave her and I won't but it does make me depressed and do crazy things like deleting my posts on here. Embarassed

It's funny when you think of it. I'm meeting other people, women mostly that are in the same boat. It feels like at any minute I might run away with one of them but I'm so damn loyal that I just cannot and will not. These women know me as the homesteader guy / peak oil guy and I know they are thinking the same thing. They visit me in my office every day to tell me how angry they are with their husbands and how they wish their DH was more like me. That is until they get a good look at me. Rolling Eyes

It doesn't matter how well prepared you are, having a spouse not on board with this calamity will surely sink the ship one day.

CarlinsDarlin · Moderator Joined: Jul 02, 2004 Posts: 1303

Ferretlover · Last edited by Ferretlover on Mon Apr 28, 2008 6:40 pm; edited 1 time in total

*straightens laprobe and sits further back in rocker*
Auscanman quote: No, but the requirement for any potential partner of mine to understand peak oil, and want to do as much as possible to prepare for it rules out 99.9999% or so of all women around my age.
Look at it this way-if you have not found a suitable significant other as the dieoff progresses, those women who Are left Will have a clue. Perhaps you should rethink the women you approach and how you approach them with this topic. I would hazard to guess there are plenty of women who would be happy to work with you to prepare If they felt you were both knowledable And had a good plan. See next quote.
Nano quote: Women only want one thing, and that is security.
Security in building a long-lasting relationship; no-one wants to go into a relationship if there's a good chance they will be soon be living on the street. If all that interests someone is accumulating worthless things, they are an extremely POOR choice of a mate. There is a line from an old Bette Davis movie that I thought was rather deep: "A woman is only beautiful when she is loved." I believe this could apply to men, too. Look around.
Lumpy quote: there is some strain caused by peak oil. It has to do with personal approaches.
Have you considered that having two approaches to dealing with a problem is better than having just one approach?
Davep quote: Then I told her I had quit my job and we were moving to the country. This went down like a lead balloon for some reason.
This is simple. By not giving her the chance to voice her opinion on your action, you told her that she was not worth the effort. Very hurtful.
CarlinsDarlin quote: I'm happiest at home. If he wants to go, then he should, can, and has. But he still fumes about it. I honestly don't know what he wants.
This is also simple. He still wants to be happy and carefreewith little or no responsibilities, and because you won't be his enabler and leave your responsibilities behind, he gets mad because he feels guilty.

That will be 5 cents each, please.
_________________
"RRrrruuuunnnn!!!" ~Apocalypto

Tanada

Funny thing happenned to me tonight. I got a phone call from my cousin, who was best man at our wedding and who became close friends with my Wife as well. Turns out he knew two weeks before she told me of her plans for Divorce, and despite the fact that she has denied it to me she has been having an affair behind my back since February. It also turns out that she made Divorcing myself her New Years Resolution, so she has no remorse about the affair or the divorce, after all.

I told her last week that I suspected she had been having an affair and that I was totally prepared to forgive, forget and move on. She on the other hand does not want to remain married and flat out stated that she is moving out over the 4th of July weekend when she expects the divorce to be finalized.

Being blindsided is the worst of all. When my first wife and I divorced it was not a surprise, things had been horrible for a long time. This time around I htought we were just going through a rough patch, after all every relationship has them and expecting every day to be perfection is unrealistic. I made traditional vows, for better or for worse etc etc etc, and I meant it.

Now I am at a loss, if I do not agree to a debt/property settlement and get it recorded as a leagle document as part of the proceedings I will be liable for all of the debt, as she is inclined to just walk away, move to another state and let me drown in this mess. I flat out told her when we discussing debt division that A) I don't trust her because B) she has walked away from a lot of debts in the past leaving other people stuck with them. I also told her she is a gypsy at heart, she never likes to live anywhere or work anywhere for more than 3 years, we bought this house four years ago and it is the third place we have lived during our marriage. Before that she lived in Cinncinatti for 5 years in two different places, in Indianapolis for three years, in Pheonix for five years, in Indianapolis for three years before that. That takes her back to college;). IOW she never stays anywhere and puts down roots for very long.

BTW Thank you all for letting me vent. It is almost theraputic.
_________________
Oxygen: - An intensely habit-forming accumulative toxic substance. As little
as one breath is known to produce a life-long addiction to the gas, which addiction invariably ends in death.--Isaac Asimov

Ferretlover

Pack her stuff up, and put it on the lawn. Stay til the 4th? Tanada, that is BS (sorry to be rude).
Get proof of the affair, and agree to sign NOTHING over to her.
Protect yourself!!
_________________
"RRrrruuuunnnn!!!" ~Apocalypto

Shannymara

Tanada, it sounds to me like you need a lawyer, and to stop communicating with her directly asap. I don't know about the laws in your state, but you definitely need to protect yourself both financially and emotionally. Sad

_________________
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done." - George Carlin

Homesteader

jasonraymondson

I know I run a pimping service and all, but other than that, I have no luck with women due to my ever pessimestic additude towards the coming crap storm. I have met several girls I was interested in this past couple months and when I started talking about peak oil and energy depletion, they just roll their eyes and it kills everything right there.

I feel for all of you going through these messes and I hope you all the best of luck

Kindest Regards,
J

Grifter