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Peakoil.com :: View topic - Finally talk about it?
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Finally talk about it?
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Ludi
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 10:28 am    Post subject: Finally talk about it? Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

My family (dad, stepmom, sister, brother in law) will be out here at our place next weekend for a Father's Day get together. I'm wondering if I should mention peak oil. Last time I brought this up to family, my sister had a nervous breakdown over it. I haven't mentioned it since. That was about four years ago.

I just don't know what to do, really. I don't want to ruin a nice get together by mentioning something stressful.


What would you do?



More details:

Dad is 77, in reasonably good health but pathologically avoidant of negative things

Step-mom has recently had a second heart attack and is kind of a paranoid loon (thinks I'm trying to "break up the family" if I ask my Dad out to lunch without her)

Sister is severely depressive (bipolar)

Brother in law is in good health, relatively level-headed, married to my loony sister and has a paranoid loon brother

My husband is on board with peak oil, in reasonably good health except for bad feet and hips, is level-headed and not loony

Me - a loon trying to deal with reality


What a swell combination, huh?
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Shannymara
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 10:34 am    Post subject: Re: Finally talk about it? Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Are they in a position to realistically do much about it if they do come to accept it? What's your end goal here?
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MD
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 10:36 am    Post subject: Re: Finally talk about it? Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Ludi wrote:
... I'm wondering if I should mention peak oil ...

What would you do?...

What a swell combination, huh?


Typical family!

Focus on solutions, and only speak when ears are open. If they aren't open, pry them open very gently, or remain silent.
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Ludi
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 10:39 am    Post subject: Re: Finally talk about it? Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Shannymara wrote:
Are they in a position to realistically do much about it if they do come to accept it? What's your end goal here?


That's a really good question! My Dad and step-mom are, as far as I know, in very good shape financially. They own three homes outright, and seem to have lots of spare cash. My bro-in-law and sis are not too well off financially but I think they own their house outright. My sister has been trying to garden on and off as health permits.


I'm not sure what I would hope for any of them to do, actually. Maybe somehow prepare for hard times?


Sad
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Jack
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 10:40 am    Post subject: Re: Finally talk about it? Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Listen first. Let them bring it up.

If they're like most, they know that there is a problem; they will not wish to talk about it. Imagine how one might react to incurable cancer - will they appreciate being reminded?

If they insist on the possibility of technological or sociological solutions, smile and nod. It's a lie, of course - but, using the cancer analogy, sometimes people need to believe in miracles.

Consider a back-end approach. Talk about how food prices are going up, and perhaps buying a little extra now would save money relative to future price increases.

Make sure the conversations are individual. Group dynamics are strange - people will display certain behaviors for others.

Good luck.
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Ludi
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 10:50 am    Post subject: Re: Finally talk about it? Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Thanks Jack, I think I will take your advice and not bring it up to them directly. I might just casually mention the price of gas and food, etc, if anything.
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IndigoMoon
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 10:51 am    Post subject: Re: Finally talk about it? Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Do not use the term peak oil. Start with a conversation about high gas prices, everyone can relate to that. Move on to rising food prices. Another given. Start touching on higher electric and natural gas prices. These alone can lead to a conversation about how to deal with the rising prices. In other words, talk about the effects of peak oil (the things that are happening or will happen because of it) instead of the definition of peak oil. Listening to what they have to say will tell you if they are 'getting it' or if you should change the subject.
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kpeavey
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 11:01 am    Post subject: Re: Finally talk about it? Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Discussing Recession may work for you. Same preps apply, many similar problems. Recession is more mainstream and understandable to most people. Hopefully it won't send your sister off her rocker. If it does, try a lug wrench to calm her down,
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Cashmere
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 11:01 am    Post subject: Re: Finally talk about it? Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Quote:
Dad is 77, in reasonably good health but pathologically avoidant of negative things


Life expectancy - 9 years. His timing is impeccable. He'll be fine.

Quote:
Step-mom has recently had a second heart attack and is kind of a paranoid loon (thinks I'm trying to "break up the family" if I ask my Dad out to lunch without her)


Not worth saving - let her go.

Quote:
Sister is severely depressive (bipolar)


Darwin candidate - too many issues to deal with to take on a burden like this - let her go.

Quote:
Brother in law is in good health, relatively level-headed, married to my loony sister and has a paranoid loon brother


Married to Darwin candidate - can't save.

Quote:
My husband is on board with peak oil, in reasonably good health except for bad feet and hips, is level-headed and not loony


Hang on to this one. He's your partner.



Why try to save the others?

They sound like they're too old, too evil, or too drug dependent.

Save yourself - you can't help them.
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Ludi
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 11:03 am    Post subject: Re: Finally talk about it? Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Cashmere wrote:

Why try to save the others?


Because I care about them, I love them. Sad
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nero
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 11:07 am    Post subject: Re: Finally talk about it? Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

I don't recommend bringing it up at all. Your Dad sounds like he is financially secure so you don't need to worry about them, it doesn't sound like your sister is in the right frame of mind to handle the long term (scary) consequences so what good does it do. You can talk about the immediate issues of high gas and food prices and how they are effecting you but if you start talking about teotwawki it isn't going to help anyone at all.
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Lumpy
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 11:10 am    Post subject: Re: Finally talk about it? Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Cashmere wrote:
Quote:
Dad is 77, in reasonably good health but pathologically avoidant of negative things


Life expectancy - 9 years. His timing is impeccable. He'll be fine.

Quote:
Step-mom has recently had a second heart attack and is kind of a paranoid loon (thinks I'm trying to "break up the family" if I ask my Dad out to lunch without her)


Not worth saving - let her go.

Quote:
Sister is severely depressive (bipolar)


Darwin candidate - too many issues to deal with to take on a burden like this - let her go.

Quote:
Brother in law is in good health, relatively level-headed, married to my loony sister and has a paranoid loon brother


Married to Darwin candidate - can't save.

Quote:
My husband is on board with peak oil, in reasonably good health except for bad feet and hips, is level-headed and not loony


Hang on to this one. He's your partner.



Why try to save the others?

They sound like they're too old, too evil, or too drug dependent.

Save yourself - you can't help them.


Cashmere - What are doing here? Deciding who should live and who should die? Ludi is talking about her family ... these are not widgets.

You came across as a total jerk in this post. Maybe you don't care ... but a lot of us do.

If I get sanctioned for speaking out to you in this way -- as if I were attacking you -- so be it. I can't stand by and let you talk about another member's family members as though they were widgets, not people.

I am really angry.

Lumpy
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startswithearthquakes
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 11:17 am    Post subject: Re: Finally talk about it? Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

Ignore the idiocy of some people. Their shrewdness will be their downfall, and their punishment for it eternal.
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diemos
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 11:18 am    Post subject: Re: Finally talk about it? Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

"Cashmere - What are doing here? Deciding who should live and who should die? Ludi is talking about her family ... these are not widgets."

Triage is an ugly thing.
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Lumpy
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PostPosted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 11:24 am    Post subject: Re: Finally talk about it? Add User to Ignore List Reply with quote

diemos wrote:
"Cashmere - What are doing here? Deciding who should live and who should die? Ludi is talking about her family ... these are not widgets."

Triage is an ugly thing.


1. Ludi was not asking for 'triage' - she was asking for input on how to approach people she loves
2. Cashmere is not in charge of triage, in any case.

Lumpy
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