[bratticus]

Why You're Not Married
Tracy McMillan, TV writer, Mad Men, United States of Tara / Feb 13, 2011

... But suddenly (it was so sudden) you found yourself wondering... Deep, deep breath... Why you're not married.

Well, I know why. ...

1. You're a bitch ...

2. You're Shallow...

... and so on ...

I couldn't find "You're a Peak Oil Doomer" on her list so I posted:



Do you think she'll (Tracy McMillan) approve it?

[Schweinshaxe]

Well, she hasn't approved it yet so I think she never will.

Let's face it. Women want rich dudes with a BMW M5. If he has a cocaine addiction, smelly feet or doesn't wipe his ass crack properly after No. 2 before going to bed doesn't matter. Women are predators and their prey is the rich man's wallet.

Tinfoil-hat PO-doomerism isn't exactly at the top of the list of qualities a woman looks for in a man. Trust me. I'm both rich and handsome and the women are practically lining up at my doorstep, but I'm too smart to fall for that. When I'm chasing tail, I get really drunk and hang out with the drunks outside the local shopping mall. I want a woman with protective instincts. A woman who wants to save me, take care of me and above all cook for me. That way, I could sit at home all day and watch ice hockey on TV and be rich and handsome at the same time while she takes care of me. My tactics haven't worked yet and the women usually call the police when they see me lying in the parking lot outside the shopping mall vomiting violently on my Judas Priest t-shirt. But I think that I'm on the right track. It's just a matter of time now before I hit jackpot.

So there it is! That's why women don't get married to decent men. They're simply too picky. If you're a woman reading this, take heed! The next time you see a drunkard swimming in his own puke, take him home. Cook for him and pamper him and the frog may turn out to be a prince when he's sobered up and gotten over the delirium tremens. It might even be me you've found!

I don't know if that made any sense to you but I spotted your post dangerously close to being rolled over to page two without a reply so I wanted to give you a helping hand.

If you want to know more about my pick-up tactics, please feel free to PM me.

Thank you!

[ian807]

Um. You know, being normal, polite and honest has always sort of worked for me. Been with same woman for 13 years now.

[Schweinshaxe]

Been with same woman for 13 years now.

Prove it!

You know, we're on a conspiracy forum and all statements on conspiracy forums are always backed up with a YouTube video with scary music as evidence.

Just post a video of you and your woman barbecuing, playing with the dog in the backyard and maintaining your Facebook profiles together. Don't forget to add a scary soundtrack. Carmina Burana by Carl Orff usually does the trick.

Thank you!

[vision-master]

Well, she hasn't approved it yet so I think she never will. Let's face it. Women want rich dudes with a BMW M5. ... Text deleted.
I don't know if that made any sense to you but I spotted your post dangerously close to being rolled over to page two without a reply so I wanted to give you a helping hand.
If you want to know more about my pick-up tactics, please feel free to PM me.
Thank you!

We need more ppl around here like you - best laugh of the day......

[vision-master]

Um. You know, being normal, polite and honest has always sort of worked for me. Been with same woman for 13 years now.

BORING!

[PrestonSturges]

Al-Anon is a great place to meet women who are emotionally vulnerable, have low standards, and are used to making beer runs for their boyfriends.

[Schweinshaxe]

Al-Anon is a great place to meet women who are emotionally vulnerable, have low standards, and are used to making beer runs for their boyfriends.

Hello PrestonSturges!

Thanks for the tip but I'm after a woman with quite the opposite qualities than the ones you mentioned.

You're not a woman by any chance? If you are, or if you know women who have a fetish for rich and handsome men, please feel free to PM me.

Thank you!

[rangerone314]

Um. You know, being normal, polite and honest has always sort of worked for me. Been with same woman for 13 years now.

Just never give her a Dutch oven! (Surprise when they don't try to pull the sheet off but instead tuck it under themselves so you can't escape and then unleash their claws on you... oh well live and learn)

[rangerone314]

Al-Anon is a great place to meet women who are emotionally vulnerable, have low standards, and are used to making beer runs for their boyfriends.

How about meeting women here: http://www.sa.org/ ("Sexaholics Anonymous")

[Beery]

Why I'm not married? But I am married - happily so for 21 years. Apparently, my girlfriend wanted a lazy penniless guy with a big nose and no chin, LOL.

[Schweinshaxe]

Why I'm not married? But I am married - happily so for 21 years. Apparently, my girlfriend wanted a lazy penniless guy with a big nose and no chin, LOL.

Hello Beery!

I'm glad to hear that you've found a wife who loves you despite your social and physical shortcomings.

What's your opinion on cosmological redshift? Do you think that the galactic redshift proves the inflation theory, or is it just a manifestation of light being slowed down (tired light) by the medium (the Aether) in which it propagates?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Redshift
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tired_light
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aether_theories


Also, do you think that it's appropriate for men to wear lip gloss in public? Let's say if you go to the cinema to see a movie after a visit to Burger King?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lip_gloss

Thank you!

[rangerone314]

Also, do you think that it's appropriate for men to wear lip gloss in public? Let's say if you go to the cinema to see a movie after a visit to Burger King?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lip_gloss

Thank you!

Actually I do...

[FairMaiden]

I'm a woman and I never went for men with money. Men with money seemed to dislike my intelligence for some reason...never bothered to try to figure out why. Of course, I have adequate money on my own so I didn't look for that. My hubby is incredibly funny and I love that he has an open mind. I also saw fantastic father potential and I don't know if I'd have bothered to get married if I didn't want to procreate. Better for the kids to have that stability and commitment. Without the kids, not sure it's necessary?

Of course, he's not into peak oil or anything like this. Can't have a discussion about anything - even the manhole cover thing in New York (that's wild!). But then we have places like this for that.

I don't think men or women should wear lip gloss. Looks too much like plastic lips. Very unappealing.

[Narz]

Marriage is frightening.

[eastbay]

There is a very good reason why the Spanish use the same word for wife as they do for a pair of handcuffs.

Marriage is frightening.

[Carlhole]

Doop

[Carlhole]

I still avidly look at and talk to the girls in their 20's and 30's, even though they look more and more like precious, beautiful children. I'm an old handsome charmer of 52. Never married, but had great girlfriends along the way. Feminine beauty is a force of nature! Rock on chicks!

They say one sex shapes the other. Question is: Who did the better job?

I say men did!

[vision-master]

I just want someone to look after me in my old age.

[Oneaboveall]

I just want someone to look after me in my old age.

I'd just like to meet a woman who doesn't turn out to be insane, evil, phony, or shallow.