[Pretorian]

Is it me or friendship maintenance does cost a lot of time and $? Are your friends just as needy as mine? Just wondering..

[Sixstrings]

Hm.. I'm not too keen on "needy" friends.

Here's my take -- I've always been self-sufficient; when I move I call a mover. Need to catch a flight? I rent a car or take a cab. I've always done that, I don't ask for practical favors and certainly never money. Car broken down? I planned ahead and have my AAA card, so why can't they do the same. That one really irks me, I've lent my AAA card out a few times in the past but come on now -- every driver on the road needs to have road service, that's being responsible. If I let a friend use my road service then it's spent may not be there for me.

Ergo..

My policy is, my friends are my friends because for some reason they enjoy my company. But otherwise they need to handle their business, I'll handle mine.

[dinopello]

If you think of your friends as a cost, it's time to find new friends or get a cabin in the woods.

[Pretorian]

My policy is, my friends are my friends because for some reason they enjoy my company. But otherwise they need to handle their business, I'll handle mine.

In other words, you keep them for entertainment. Will you lose them as soon as you move?

[Sixstrings]

In other words, you keep them for entertainment. Will you lose them as soon as you move?

You make that sound wrong, but all due respect you're basically saying in your post you feel you spend too much time and money on friends. I have boundaries, apparently you need to set some too.

Goes both ways you know, I'm not a friend with someone because of needing help from them but rather because I enjoy their company. Is that wrong? I don't know maybe it sounds odd, I'm just self-sufficient want to do things myself rather than ask for help. Just how I am, I'd ask a friend to have a beer with me but would never ask for money or some kind of help. (although my brother in law helped me put up a fence recently.. but I helped him put up his, if it's mutual then that's fine but you sound like you feel taken advantage of or something).

My advice is just know when to start saying no, if they are really a friend they'll still be there.

(let's not argue by the way.. could you be more exact what's the situation maybe I misunderstood -- you talking about being too busy, socializing in general costs money? Or are people asking you for too much time and money?)

[WildRose]

I'm not sure exactly what you mean about the $ cost of friends, Pretorian, but my take on it is that with friends, as with most other things, it's important to be true to yourself, your own goals, in the context of friendships. The ways we interact with friends can be expensive or not, and if it's costing you too much money you could make some changes. In my own situation, I can't afford a skiing or golf hobby or a lot of nights on the town, but I can get together with friends for coffee or a modest lunch or a long walk with the dogs. I have a friend that I hardly ever actually see but we talk on the phone once a week (she has her own business and is very busy - sometimes I pop in and bring her a coffee). So, is that what you mean in your original post, that it's the stuff you do that costs a lot? The time aspect is one I struggle with - I often wish I had more time, and everyone seems to be so busy with their various responsibilities.

[Kristen]

Real friends are always symbiotic, not parasitic as this poster suggests!

[WildRose]

Real friends are always symbiotic, not parasitic as this poster suggests!

Very true, and if you're a generous person some can take advantage of that.

[SeaGypsy]

That's a bit unfair. Pretorian is not one for elaborating his own point. If you are getting a bit long in the tooth and live in a fairly stable community, it's not at all uncommon to have reciprocal long term relationships 'turn' due to unforseen circumstance. There will be a lot more of this as time goes on.

[WildRose]

That's a bit unfair. Pretorian is not one for elaborating his own point. If you are getting a bit long in the tooth and live in a fairly stable community, it's not at all uncommon to have reciprocal long term relationships 'turn' due to unforseen circumstance. There will be a lot more of this as time goes on.

What's unfair, SeaGypsy?

[SeaGypsy]

Real friends are always symbiotic, not parasitic as this poster suggests!

This.

[Sixstrings]

Real friends are always symbiotic, not parasitic as this poster suggests!

This.

We all have a gut-feeling line in the sand where we'll put ourselves out to help someone up to a point then we say hey hold on here.

Kristen is right, another way to put it would be if you feel taken advantage of then that means you are being taken advantage of. You don't get that feeling in your gut unless it's true.

[Pretorian]

Let's leave the $ part entirely. For example, somebody ( you or your friend/s ) moves away and all you have is a telephone and a computer. How much time would you dedicate to a friend that you will not see again in many years, if ever ?

[Pretorian]

As for the $, I meant it in the context of time = money ; obviously when somebody is taking advantage of somebody else that is hardly can be called friendship.

[WildRose]

As for the $, I meant it in the context of time = money ; obviously when somebody is taking advantage of somebody else that is hardly can be called friendship.

Well, even if it's time = money, I guess it comes down to how much you value the friendship, if you want to keep close ties until you're old and gray. You can keep in touch with brief, frequent calls or e-mails just to catch up, that way you always know what's going on with the friend and you feel like you're still connected. But when you say your friends are needy, do you mean emotionally needy? It's one thing to help friends through the rough patches that we all go through sometimes, however, some people are needy rather constantly and that can be quite exhausting if you're the person they turn to for "help" all the time. I've witnessed this several times before, and it's draining. But good friendships worth keeping do take a bit of time. Probably we all only have a couple of friendships in our lives where we could just pick up where we left off after a long absence.

[Sixstrings]

Let's leave the $ part entirely. For example, somebody ( you or your friend/s ) moves away and all you have is a telephone and a computer. How much time would you dedicate to a friend that you will not see again in many years, if ever ?

Ah I get you now.

Well for long distance family / friends what I do is talk very rarely, it just works out naturally. My brother up north, if he lived around here I'd talk to him every few days I'm sure -- but with the distance he's just not in my life nor I his. So every few months I'll give him a call or vise versa.

Not sure what your situation is, are you overseas? If that's the case then I'd think you'd want to keep in touch with people from back home. Anyhow, only you can decide who you want to talk to and when it's time to move on.

If you want to keep in casual touch, Facebook is a good idea. Skype too -- skype is nice, you've got text voice and video all in the same application.

[basil_hayden]

Multitask, that way you're only wasting half of your time.

[radon]

Is it me or friendship maintenance does cost a lot of time and $? Are your friends just as needy as mine? Just wondering..

http://peakoil.com/forums/figuring-out-the-bigger-picture-t64423-15.html#p1109846

I have several friends and business partners in Iran; one of them is ( allegedly , anyway ) close to Ahmadinejad.

So, have you also been hit by the sanctions?