[ennui2]

This thread is devoted to ex-members of peakoil.com who may pop their head in here again but do not intend to ever resume regular posting.

[ennui2]

I used to be mos6507. I "destroyed" my account in the end because it was the only way I could break the addiction cycle of coming here. I was addicted to coming here because I had no social life in the real world, and getting some social interaction, even if it was just flamewars, was more appealing than nothing at all. But ultimately the frustration of dealing with ideological differences drove me off. I didn't feel there were enough people left here who shared my moderate outlook on things. Everyone here had an axe to grind which, I felt, somehow blinded them to the more mundane realities of life.

After I left this forum, I changed my perspective on life to one I think most of you would characterize as "eat, drink, and be merry". I chose to stop feeling so guilty about my ecological footprint (or vindictive towards the "truck-nutz" crowd) and tried to attend to the root cause of my suffering in life, which is my loneliness. At first that came in the form of the crutch of animation. And through my hobby I met someone that broke my 7+ year streak of single-father celibacy. So from that point onward I have been engaged in the messy task of figuring out how to have a love-life. I am not going to sit here and kiss-and-tell other than to say that at this point I am on my 3rd girlfriend, so I have had some serious heartbreak to deal with along the way.

On the career front, I moved back to Massachusetts in the fall of 2008 because I thought it was "the big one" and I wanted to huddle around family. When that didn't happen, I started saving up to buy a house or build a doomstead. Last year I made the decision not to buy land or build a doomstead. I never got buy-in from my family and I just do not have the money or the wherewithal to build a doomstead and juggle a career and be a single dad all at the same time. So I gave up my doomstead dream.

This was not simply retreating back to BAU as much as it is me coming to terms with my limitations as an isolated individual. Short of uprooting my daughter from the only life she knows and dragging her into a commune, I simply had no alternate but to kow-tow to the whims of my extended family, for whom I really am dependent for support. My fate is inextricably linked with theirs and there really is nothing I can do about it.

At the same time, I was reassessing the energy/climate situation and felt that the shale-gas revolution altered my timeline on Mad Max doom. I originally thought we'd have zombie bikers this year or next, but I now think the future will play out a little closer to Greer's Long Descent. Maybe not 200+ years, but probably prolonged to such an extent that I don't necessarily have to leave the suburbs while my daughter is still a minor. The main source of suffering we all have to deal with will be a lack of jobs. I have no idea if or when we might have hyperinflation doom, but I'm also not biting my nails over that one. I have a small amount of silver and that's about it.

Also, I have reached a really good place as far as the stages of grief. There's a fine line between denial and acceptance, but I really feel like I am beyond the survivalist mindset. If we're going to fall into a fast-crash Malthusian catastrophe, I guess I'm just at a point where I want to feel that I've made the most of the time we had left and reached my full potential with the gifts I've been given.

Since I feel those gifts are more right-brain than left, I did the unthinkable last year, which was quit my programming job with the intention of making a permanent career move towards animation. I am now reevaluating that decision, but I also feel that I am way past my competitive prime, and that I should pursue a career of some sort that allows me to be my own boss. And so I am looking around for IT work purely as a stopgap while I try to think of various ways I may be able to tread water doing something creative.

Ultimately I am shielded from destitution due to my parents and the equity they hold in this house in the suburbs. I would love to be more independent, but on the flipside, I have no debt. It's just that having to pay for health-insurance out-of-pocket is killing my nestegg. Being a parent, even without laws requiring healthcare, I can not see the merit in voluntarily waiving health-care. Health insurance is the one thing I really need to make money to pay off, otherwise I might have been able to justify paying my dues as the struggling artist for much much longer.

I still have a friend who started an adjacent Transition Town movement. I chose not to try to follow her lead in this town. It simply is not me. My way of looking at life is to just work through my bucket-list as best I can, trying to do the equivalent of writing the great american novel. I want to accomplish creative goals I set out for myself earlier in life which I put aside while I got dragged into the (lucrative) Plan B of the dot com world. I am ready to let go of BAU and pivot towards the hardscrabble life of subsistence agriculture, but only when the situation warrants, and despite it all, food remains cheap. In the meantime, I dabble with gardening but am not doing everything I can with this property.

While I am fully aware that we're killing the planet, and if I think about it for any length of time, I will really be depressed, I also know that I am, at heart, a goofy technophile nerd who enjoys the creature-comforts of modernity. So as long as it's affordable to keep the lights on, I simply can not turn my back on this.

Taking the red-pill just stacked another level of mortality-thinking atop my mid-life-crisis. The only thing that matters is deciding how you want to make the most of your life, because life is short. Carpe diem, so to speak. And that was a big reason why I had to let this forum go, since fighting with people here had become a huge time-sink that could better be spent through creative expression or "kissing a girl" (as William Shatner's famous SNL skit opined).

Even though I made a new account and have popped in here a couple times, I really do not expect to become a regular poster again, because frankly there's nothing left I'm really interested in talking about. It is all pretty stale and I think the discussions here, which tend to focus on politics these days, also reflect that the topic no longer has the same level of importance it once did. It doesn't mean I'm a cornucopian, but I am definitely more of a slow-crasher than I used to be. We may wind up in Olduvai, but it's gonna take longer than I ever anticipated, and if I'm wrong, then I really have no regrets going about life as I am now. All you ever have to show for your life in the end are your memories, and I chose to build memories that are the most pleasurable to me.

I am not going to necessarily change the world, but I have found joy again, and laughter, and done things I'm proud of in my own way. And I'm cool with people here saying I'm a sellout, didn't have the right-stuff to make it through the bottleneck, or whatever, because I've always been my worst critic and I've beaten myself up so many times, there's nothing you guys can say that I haven't already thought to myself many times over. But I've made my choice and I'm comfortable with it (at least so far).

[Plantagenet]

Thanks, Mos.

Glad to hear you're doing so well.

[Narz]

Great to hear from you Mos, it always makes me feel less alone to hear your virtual voice. If you speak long enough on almost any subject usually find myself resonating with 70-100% of what you're on about.



I miss Monte believe it or not. Even though I think he was way too fundy & drove alot of people off I believe he had good intentions & was basically a decent person (I also met Monte in person when passing thru AZ & he was very cordial & obviously passionate about his beliefs).



I rubbed Ludi the wrong way & was a bit short with her about what I considered her knee-jerk DanielQuinn style luditism (don't get me wrong I like Daniel Quinn & think growth-as-God is madness but I think too many of the oldschoolers (who I guess all went to Mathulusula? [sp]) went a bit too much to the other extreme). If you're reading Ludi, sorry if I came off as a jerk/insensitive. That said, I'm not gonna change my posting style but I think you're a good person!



Steam_Cannon is another guy with a good heart who's always posting useful stuff. Like Mos, when I don't see him here much I figure he's out living life & that makes me happy but when he posts, that's good too. Only place he steered me wrong was with my gas powered bike engine kit which I've had a lot of trouble with but I should have known better seeing as he's a master tinkerer & I'm a dolt when it comes to engines & mechanics. I've also met Steamy in person & he helped a brother out big time when I was going thru some serious drama with the baby-momma.



penultimatemanstanding was the first peakoiler I met IRL back in the day before my kid was born & I was living in San Diego. A true believer who, well, I'm very curious about how he's doing/what he's thinking now. I think some of the old-schoolers might be embarassed that, well, we're not living in the dark ages by now but if you're out there lurking PMS, give a holler.

Roccman, you're a dick! We were all chatting on the phone n' whatnot & then you were ripping on me for selling my silver & questioning your crackpot "World's gonna end next Tuesday" crap in every other thread. Whatever though, you seem honest anyway. I respect your annual fasting regime.

That's all I got for now, I'm sure others will come up.

[Pretorian]

I'm glad you are doing ok Mos. Welcome back to the extended circle of my monkey-sphere! I'd suggest to drop the insurance and get an IT job.

[SeaGypsy]

I thought Mos was a corporate travel agent? Anyhow I am glad to know you are well MosEnnui! I had asked one of the mods to let us know if you were ok, but due to privacy he wasn't able to say. As much as we may have banged heads at times here, I for one have missed your input and am stoked to know you are still kickin!

[Novus]

I stopped posting on PO.com because the debates just went in circles forever. I also found out there is more to the world than just PO and there are far more interesting topics worth researching. Things like international finance, the nature of derivative money, the occult NWO, Atlantis and forbidden history, sacred geometry, and the way they are connected in strange complicated webs. Been so busy I just couldn't find a reason to post here for the last 4 years but I do read random posts in the open topic section every so often. Still remember a lot of old names like SeaGypsy, Pretorian, Roccman, and Plantagent

[davep]

It's good to hear from you again, Mos. What you say resonates with me too.

I'm going to have to sell the doomstead for practical reasons, but will be looking at getting somewhere with a bit of land that is closer to Switzerland (I'm currently renting at huge expense during the week and am moving backwards financially). I'll plant a few trees and take life as it comes. I don't even think about zombie hordes (much) nowadays...

[Newfie]

We did not interchange much, and I find it hard to retain firm ideas of personalities from these forums.

I appreciate your recap. Especially the part about finding yourself in a good place for acceptance.

It may be PO's highest use is as a transitional space where you argue out the various fantasies about what you can, or should, or would do. Once they are dealt with you can then move on.

But it is all rather sad though.

[Human]

Hi there, it's Ludi. I still read peakoil.com, mostly to see what Pops has to say.

I see after so many years Narz is still promoting a false view of what I posted about. Here's a post of mine from Sun Jul 17, 2005:

I've never once suggested we need to, or can, do without technology. Not one single time anywhere in any one of my many posts. Technology is inherent in humanity.

And I stuck to that the whole time I was posting here.

So, still, I don't see where Narz gets the whole "Luddite" thing. But it's his opinion and he's going to stick to it no matter how much in error it is, apparently! I eventually got tired of trying to correct these misapprehensions and I left out of frustration because I felt it was impossible for me to transmit useful information here at po.com. I've had much better success elsewhere.

These days I'm enjoying learning about aquaponics, a technology which utilizes modern plastics, electrical devices, and chemistry. That and my other projects can be seen at http://www.permies.com/t/11215/projects ... e-projects

Best wishes,

Ludi (stands for "ludicrous" not "luddite" which is spelled with two "d"s.

[davep]

Hi Ludi

[vision-master]

I stopped posting on PO.com because the debates just went in circles forever. I also found out there is more to the world than just PO and there are far more interesting topics worth researching. Things like international finance, the nature of derivative money, the occult NWO, Atlantis and forbidden history, sacred geometry, and the way they are connected in strange complicated webs. Been so busy I just couldn't find a reason to post here for the last 4 years but I do read random posts in the open topic section every so often. Still remember a lot of old names like SeaGypsy, Pretorian, Roccman, and Plantagent

Ancient Knowledge - Scientific & Historical Misconceptions, Suppression & Manipulation of Info....

[ennui2]

I thought Mos was a corporate travel agent?

My last job was with a corporate travel agent. One of the factors that caused me to quit was feeling like I was being too much of an accomplice towards ecocide by facilitating air travel, and not just regular air travel, but air travel for corporate america, the 1%ers. Their corporate clients even included oil companies. I took that job purely out of desperation, since it was my last week of unemployment. I want to feel like what I do for a living in some way helps people, either at the macro or the micro. Animation, I hoped, was a way for me to touch people inside. Even if it just lightened their mood, it would feel helpful, but maybe I could also get them be more introspective. I am far less interested in cold factual debates devoid of human-interest.

The frustration I often felt here was this clinical stoicism that most doomers have. Monte was a perfect example, which made him fun to poke and prod. I want to know what makes people tick, and Monte is almost completely opaque and seemingly unfeeling. I don't understand why it is people feel comfortable talking about mass-extinction but don't feel comfortable sharing any of their personal anguish, or coming across like they have none (which is scary). At best, the only emotion you see expressed here is rage towards TPTB, and that schtick gets old fast. The heart of doomerism as expressed in forums like this often feels like an offshoot of machismo, and feelings are a sign of weakness. (You have to be prepared to plug those zombies who are gonna come after your canned beans, after all.)

The reason I created my blog doomsteaddiary back in the day was to provide a place in which to document my range of emotions. What I was really looking for was a support-group and I never really found one. My journey is mine alone. I can not even open up 100% with my current girlfriend. I tried once, and almost broke up with her over it. I don't even see completely eye-to-eye with my own sister. (She would fit in here better at this stage, since she now believes in plenty of Coast-to-Coast AM quackery and CT's.) Over here, people like Ludi would seem like kindred spirits and then I would say the wrong thing (like what Narz apparently just did) and she would get all defensive and the following week or two would be spent in damage-control. Then I remember trying to pivot over to Malthusia, and the anti-civ furor was so strong and deep that me signaling any dissent was enough to get me tarred and feathered. Eventually Shanny found me on Facebook and sent a personal apology, but it was still clear that she is not my "friend". Even Pops who used to regularly read my blog eventually started criticizing me for not getting off the fence and moving into the boonies. I didn't like feeling obligated to emulate him.

Once upon a time, however, I felt like I needed a personal guru to guide me, since I felt my role models as a kid were now irrelevant. I went a quest from when I first took the red-pill around 2005 up to around 2010 or so. It started in a research phase. I went through an obsessive phase about EVs. I read my Dan Quinn. I fell into a weeping fit when I stepped back into the tragedy of the theater parking lot after watching Avatar. I have all the books. I read all the blog posts. I followed every news story. And all this peaked when I started physically driving around and meeting people. I met Revi (who now has his own Transition group in Maine, BTW). I met John Howe the solar tractor guy. I met Richard Heinberg. I met Bill McKibben. I went through 1.5 transition training courses. So I've really been to the mountaintop and back in all this. I've seen every side and no stone has been left unturned. There's nobody that can come forward now and say that I just haven't done my homework and that I'd be doing something completely different if I just found out about this or that.

I don't need more knowledge. I just want quality of life, and at the top of the list is love. I need to feel loved and to be able to give love. If I can have that, I can deal with anything, like poverty, and even Cormac McCarthy dystopias. Love is the #1 doomer prep, and one nobody here ever talks about.

[PeakOiler]

Hi there, it's Ludi. I still read peakoil.com, mostly to see what Pops has to say.

These days I'm enjoying learning about aquaponics, a technology which utilizes modern plastics, electrical devices, and chemistry. That and my other projects can be seen at http://www.permies.com/t/11215/projects ... e-projects

Best wishes,

Ludi (stands for "ludicrous" not "luddite" which is spelled with two "d"s.

Wow! Hi Ludi! Glad you touched base. I'll have to check out permies.com. I'm still struggling with my meager permaculture efforts. Texas has got to be one of the most challenging (read--worst) places on earth when it comes to permaculture...water being the primary issue (at least for Central Texas).

I still have your young Meyer's lemon tree if you still want it. (It's a lot bigger but still hasn't flowered yet. Perhaps next year???) Please send me a PM if you're interested. Please don't forget that I am a chemist if you have any questions. I might know the answer! lol

[Pops]

Hey, Human, you ol' radish farmer you!

[dinopello]

Well, there's one Human that's not eff'n up the planet.

[Ibon]

Love is the #1 doomer prep, and one nobody here ever talks about.

I will talk about it......I just picked 4 kafir lime leaves and four shoots of lemon grass from our garden to give to my wife who is cooking a curry for friends who are coming over tonight.

I dispair for the generations born with an ever strengthening digital wall between themselves and love, nature, earth, dirt, bird song, wind, sweat, rain and friendship. (they have yet to digitalize the smell of lemon grass and kafir lime....... our nose is still a holdout of our senses not yet captured into bits of data)

I salute you Mos from having extracted yourself from attempting to channel all your human needs through a digital conduit.

This I have mentioned a number of times here on this forum as being one of the greatest threat to humans at the moment.

[SamInNebraska]

I don't need more knowledge. I just want quality of life, and at the top of the list is love. I need to feel loved and to be able to give love. If I can have that, I can deal with anything, like poverty, and even Cormac McCarthy dystopias. Love is the #1 doomer prep, and one nobody here ever talks about.

Mr. Mos, thank you for your story. You bring to light an interesting relationship between one's psychological state and their buy in to any particular world view.

Unhappy people looking for an outlet to their fears and feelings often land in strange places. Glad you have found something to bring you back to center.

[SeaGypsy]

Wow, this thread is working!

Ludi, Mos, Novus.... it would be great for more of the old crew round here popped in from time to time; it seems many of us still hanging on here do so out of loyalty to the site's little collective than to bash out ideas. Different characters add much in flavour and are missed when they disappear.

Note on the Texan Permi scene; true believers would say: "Texas is on planet Earth isn't it?" Whether true independence can ever be reached through permaculture or not, it is a very flexible system with lots of ideas which can work to produce quality food in virtually any Earth environment; given water and sunlight. It's also heaps of fun and very positive socially.

Wow Mos, some big changes for you! I like the attitude you have developed and think you are well on the ball. With regards to the GF & family communications re peak everything AGW TEOTWAWKI etc. Maturity is a big thing. Being able to say what you know but admit what you don't, allowing others time to adjust to some frightening world views you hold, all part of reaching your own personal destiny of choice in this ever changing life.

Personally, I make a point of making sure everyone close to me knows my views, but I never harp on about them and am willing to change the topic at any time. I often find just planting the seed with little comments on the TV news: "Ha, they are still yabbering on about 'return to normal growth' what a joke! They still don't get it!" is enough to provoke interest in peak and related matters, without the emotionally ugly scene of trying to 'convert' denialists. Being ready to have a laugh at the silly side of life, to empathize with people about their ordinary trials in life, these are important human abilities we should not allow to be destroyed in us through deep negativity about the truth of the world.

Like you MosEnnui, I have chosen to prioritize love, my wife and children, friends and travel, creative living over essentially useless worrying about things I cannot change.
I have no desire to drag my family out to the boonies to await the end of the world with it's attendant zombie hoards. There is still much which is good in life and in people, much to enjoy which need not be a source of perpetual guilt about being alive.

[Loki]

Lots of good folks have come and gone. I miss Smallpoxgirl the most; and it'd be real nice to see gg3, Blukatzen (sp?), TheDude, Eastbay, PrairieMule, et al., et al.

Mos, thanks for sharing your journey. “Hardcore prepping” isn't for everyone, and honestly I'm not sure how useful it will prove to be. I think having a variety of employable skills and family close by will prove to be more valuable than a bug-out location full of guns and MREs.

Most of my “preps” are related to my goals of right livelihood and self-sufficiency. Or they double as fun hobbies (guns, motorcycle, etc.). Not having a kid or other family to support, I was able to up and leave city life 2-1/2 years ago and take a much lower paying job out in the country where I could focus on learning how to farm and building my self-sufficiency skillset. I often read of preparedness-oriented folks who have serious family conflicts about these kinds of big life changes, the whole “prepper” mindset is so far from the mainstream it's pretty easy to understand how there might be problems. My big move was more of a “back to the land” thing than a “prepping for doom” thing, but it's still pretty far from a mainstream choice.

As for love, I'm thinking about posting a personal ad, “SWM seeks Mistress of Doom,” but I think Dinopello recently said he didn't have much luck with this approach